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Funny Jokes - The newest and best funny jokes

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 Funny Jokes From category Short Jokes
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Food and Drink Jokes
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have... meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."
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Joke mark: 9.5 (from 4 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Yo momma so fat, she order a water bed, and they a blaket over the pacific ocean
[ Joke sent by D.j ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Medical Jokes
A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."
The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"
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 Funny Jokes From category Police Jokes
What do you call a policewoman with a shaved fanny ? Cunt-stubble
[ Joke sent by Spycosis ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Female Jokes
Q: Why do not men trust women?
A: How can you trust someone after bleeding a week is not dead yet...
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Joke mark: 9.6 (from 5 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Funny Insults
Sure, I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay an admission...
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Joke mark: 7.83 (from 6 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Yo momma's so fat that when she farts people say shes starting the polution.
Yo momma's so fat that when guys wanna rape 115 dicks could fit
[ Joke sent by Faith ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Yo momma is so fat her belt size is the equator!!
[ Joke sent by Brandon Rapp ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Yo mamas so fat your dads called the whale rider
[ Joke sent by Michael Kopua... ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Little Mary Jokes
Where did little mary go?
to my mammas house
[ Joke sent by Daddy ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Marriage Jokes
There was a single blond woman and a single Burnett man and they were on a train it was night time and all the cots were token so they slept together and it got cold and she asked can you act like a husband and get me a blanket and he said pretend your my wife and get the hell up and get it your damn self
[ Joke sent by Veronica ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Funny Comebacks
Lets say some one said i dont make trash i burn it you say: aww too poor to get the trash man to come
[ Joke sent by Kendel Colemire ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Funny Jokes
For those of you who watch what you eat... Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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 Funny Jokes From category Marriage Jokes
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? "You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side...? You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck... stay the fuck away from me."
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Funny Jokes
A teacher was trying to get her class to identify tastes without them knowing what they were tasting, so she decided to use life-savers.When she got to honey, she couldnt figure out what to usethen she decided to use a honey coughdrop. The class couldnt figure out what they were tasting.Then she gave them a hint, she said "it is some thingthat your mom would call your dad." A little girl spit the coughdrop out and said"ewww.its an asshole."
[ Joke sent by Shaun ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Animal Jokes
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the sign says you have to be good with a computer". The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager
By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"
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 Funny Jokes From category Knock Knock Jokes
Knock knock
who's there?
dishes.
dishes who
dishes the Navajo police open up
[ Joke sent by Dugan ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Marriage Jokes
Q: What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A: My wife says...
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Yo mamma so fat when she sat on the toilet it said
abcdefg get your fat ass off of me
[ Joke sent by Lisa ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke

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1Bob12 Jokes
2Lolypop12 Jokes
3Mike10 Jokes
4Chris9 Jokes
5Steel9 Jokes

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Funny Jokes - 28 July 2014

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