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Funny Jokes - The newest and best funny jokes

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 Funny Jokes From category Police Jokes
What do you call a policewoman with a shaved fanny ? Cunt-stubble
[ Joke sent by Spycosis ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Pearls
Plant in house
[ Joke sent by Ayifwrrgdeshhutb ]
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Joke mark: 5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Yo mama so ugly when she went to the store to buy make up the people said keep the money
[ Joke sent by Steel ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Marriage Jokes
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me. "The husband says "WHAT?" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a WOMAN.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.
And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.
The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it."
The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register."
The husband says, "no, no, no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.
"No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"
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Joke mark: 9.67 (from 3 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Yo mama so fat ... That's no moon... that's your mother!
[ Joke sent by Brandon ]
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Joke mark: 9.75 (from 4 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Animal Jokes
One day, three scientists decided to conduct an experiment that nobody had ever tried before. They decided to leave a cork up a Pigs ass for 3 weeks and at the end of the three weeks they would take the cork out and see what happened.
Well, they noticed that after 1 week the pigs legs had turned blue, after 2 weeks its head turned blue and finally, after 3 weeks the entire pigs body had turned blue.
So one scientist said to another "i think it is time to remove the cork"
Well, those scientists set up a room so that the pig was at one end of the room, and the scientists were in a line behind it, like so:
Pig
Scientist
Scientist
Scientist
And they got a monkey to take the cork out.
well, as you can imagine, when the hapless monkey took the cork out of the pigs ass, shit went everywhere.
The scientist at the back of the room was up to his knees in it, the scientist in the middle of the room was up to his chest, and they couldn't find the last scientist, so after searching around, they finally found him, and found him laughing hysterically.
"What is wrong with you?" one scientist asked. "You have just been buried alive in pig shit and you are LAUGHING!?"
The Third Scientist replied, between his laughter, "You should have seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in!"
[ Joke sent by Punk ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Yo mama is like a box of timbits for two dollors i can share her with the whole team!!
[ Joke sent by Fishman ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Yo mama so fat she fat
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Yo momma so fat when she slid down the rainbow she pooped out skittles
[ Joke sent by Josh Raines To:jody ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Little Johnny Jokes
Johnny was new to his school but he didntrember his last name.so as the teachor was showing him around the class the dad said please encuse me i have to use the bathroom the teachor replyrd down the hall to the left,so when jhonnys dad lefr jhonny ask the teachor whats that condom for and she bent over and jhonny spotter her minni shirt and saw her thong on so jhonny jumped on her and started humping her agressively.than jhonnys dad walked in and said JHONNY HUMPER ? jhonny replye i am dad i am!!!!!!!!!!
[ Joke sent by Queena ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Animal Jokes
Yo momma so fat she plays pool with the planet
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 Funny Jokes From category Marriage Jokes
After you marry, you will learn what is happiness. But it will be too late.
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 Funny Jokes From category Knock Knock Jokes
Knock, Knock.
Who's There?
Rin Tin Tin.
Rin Tin Tin Who?
Rin Tin Tin days or you're
out of here!
[ Joke sent by Scott Weissbrodt ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Blonde Jokes
A blonde,a red head,and a burnette rob a bank.The cops are chaseing them and toget away the girls run on a farm.The read goes behind a cow and goes moo so the cops dont look there.The red hae goes be hind a pig ad goes onk-onk so the cops dont look there.The blonde goes behind a sack of potoes and says potaes!
[ Joke sent by This Was Done Be Nicholle(im A Blonde) ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Funny Jokes
(Q)do you know what's funny (A) your face you say do you wan't paper or plastic
[ Joke sent by Bob ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Men Jokes
"What do you have whan you have two little balls in your hand?"
"A man's undivided attention."
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Joke mark: 9.5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Redneck Jokes
Why is difficult to solve a redneck murder?
There are no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
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Joke mark: 9.36 (from 11 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Sport Jokes
One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
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Joke mark: 9.5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Yo Momma is so fat the Canadian flag is a scale model of the tag on her underwear.
[ Joke sent by Evil Rainbow ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Funny Jokes
What's a mexicans favorite bookstore?

Borders
[ Joke sent by Stafford Russo ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke

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5Steel9 Jokes

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Funny Jokes - 19 December 2014

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