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Funny Jokes - The newest and best funny jokes

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 Funny Jokes From category Men Jokes
"Why do men name their penises?"
"Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions."
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Funny Quotes
So ther is a kid and a girl runing through a corn field the boy stopes and sas can we do it so she sas yes they sit down and split the cookies
[ Joke sent by Nathaniel ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Blonde Jokes
There is a blonde a red head and a burnett they are all pregnate the burnett says I was on bottom so im having a girl the red head says i was on top so Im having a boy and the blonde was crying the ask whats wrong she says im having puppies
[ Joke sent by Jokester ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Redneck Jokes
You might be a redneck if your girlfriend says shes game, and you shoot her.
[ Joke sent by Eric ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Female Jokes
Why are women not given as many rights as men.the answer is simple america is gay!!!!
[ Joke sent by David ]
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Joke mark: 6.67 (from 3 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Yo Momma so poor that when I walked in her front door I fell out the back.
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 Funny Jokes From category Animal Jokes
Your mama so ugly she make the devil look pretty.
[ Joke sent by Bonqesha ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Yo MAMA SO FAT WHEN SHE SAT ON A TV SHE MADE INTO A FLAT SCREEN TV
[ Joke sent by Fransisco ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Short Jokes
Q: What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his students?
A: Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.
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 Funny Jokes From category Funny Comebacks
He: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
She: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
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Joke mark: 8.2 (from 5 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Funny Jokes
Why dosen't ken come in the same box as barbie
a: cause ken cums in a different box
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Yo mama so fat ... That's no moon... that's your mother!
[ Joke sent by Brandon ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Redneck Jokes
Q.What does the Royal English family and rednecks have in common?
A. They both keep it in the family.
[ Joke sent by Destiny ]
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Joke mark: 9.5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Men Jokes
Men can be lires but also can woman!!!! ................
there was this couple that lived togther in a little house they always aguued and the man said to his wife now darling lady tell me the truth have you been cheating on me ?
of course not why would i do that for
because ur faster at running than me x
[ Joke sent by Lolypop ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Funny Jokes
Things we can learn from movies!
1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard…
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
20. All single women have a cat.
21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
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Joke mark: 9.5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Short Jokes
Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
A: Because his pecker is on his head!
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 Funny Jokes From category Funny Jokes
The Last Request
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
"Have you any last requests?" asked the Chaplain.
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"
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Joke mark: 6.67 (from 3 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Animal Jokes
Why was eor looking dowen the loo becuse he was looking for poo
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 Funny Jokes From category Funny Jokes
Job application:
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.
They hired him because he was so funny.....
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT COULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
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Joke mark: 9.83 (from 6 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category School Jokes
Robert: Mom, some kid at school said that I was bigger than the rest of the class
Mom: Well...
Robert: Mom, why am I big-
Mom: (nervous) Uhh..UHH...go to your dad.
Robert: No, Mom. why am I bigger than the rest of the cla-
Mom: uhh, time for be-
Robert: It's only 4:00, Mom. WHY AM I BIGGER THAN THE REST OF MY CLASS?
Mom: (*sigh*) The reason Is...is that you are supposed to be in the 8TH GRADE!!!
[ Joke sent by Jeremy H. ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke

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The best jokes senders

LevelSendersJokes
1Bob12 Jokes
2Lolypop12 Jokes
3Mike10 Jokes
4Chris9 Jokes
5Steel9 Jokes

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Funny Jokes - 25 April 2014

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