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Funny Jokes - The newest and best funny jokes

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 Funny Jokes From category Animal Jokes
One day, three scientists decided to conduct an experiment that nobody had ever tried before. They decided to leave a cork up a Pigs ass for 3 weeks and at the end of the three weeks they would take the cork out and see what happened.
Well, they noticed that after 1 week the pigs legs had turned blue, after 2 weeks its head turned blue and finally, after 3 weeks the entire pigs body had turned blue.
So one scientist said to another "i think it is time to remove the cork"
Well, those scientists set up a room so that the pig was at one end of the room, and the scientists were in a line behind it, like so:
Pig
Scientist
Scientist
Scientist
And they got a monkey to take the cork out.
well, as you can imagine, when the hapless monkey took the cork out of the pigs ass, shit went everywhere.
The scientist at the back of the room was up to his knees in it, the scientist in the middle of the room was up to his chest, and they couldn't find the last scientist, so after searching around, they finally found him, and found him laughing hysterically.
"What is wrong with you?" one scientist asked. "You have just been buried alive in pig shit and you are LAUGHING!?"
The Third Scientist replied, between his laughter, "You should have seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in!"
[ Joke sent by Punk ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Animal Jokes
What do u call a dog licking it self jacking off
[ Joke sent by Nigel ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Men Jokes
Once a women kissed a guy on the cheek hahahahahaha aint that funny
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Your momma is so dumb,she got ran over by a parked car
[ Joke sent by Rob ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Yo momma so fat she plays pool with the planets
[ Joke sent by Justin ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Bar Jokes
A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. He noticed a man next to him ordered a shot and a beer.
The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket.
This continued several times before the man's curiosity got the best of him.
He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual, why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot & beer?"
The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts looking good, I'm heading home!"
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 Funny Jokes From category Short Jokes
There are three types of people in the world. Those you can count and those who can't.
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Yo momma is so fat that she to shcool peopel die becusa she was harry that she coverd the shcool
[ Joke sent by Kati ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Yo mama's so dumn she sat on the tv and watched the couch
[ Joke sent by Ty Blish ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Golf Jokes
One man plays golf every Saturday no matter the weather. One day on the golf course the weather was particularily nasty. 32 degrees, snow, high winds. He decided he would hang it up for the day. He gets home and decides he might crawl back into bed and have some fun with his wife. He gets into the bed and puts his arm around his wife and she says, "Can you believe that idiot is playing golf today?"
[ Joke sent by Jamie Hudson ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Medical Jokes
A man walks into a doctor's office, the doctor tells him to strip down, and put on the gown. THen, the doctor does a prostate exam, and says."Where is it?"
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Yo Mama is like a shotgun, give her a cock and she blows
[ Joke sent by Jarod ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Your momma so ugly she sat on a tolite and it said abcdefg get ur fat ass of of me.your momma so fat the last time she saw these 1229 was on a scale.
[ Joke sent by Kris ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Animal Jokes
U gots to see this
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 Funny Jokes From category Funny Jokes
So, how do you tell if your throwing a successful, kick-ass, party? Just take this quick and simple quiz to find out!
Festivity Level One
Your guests are sitting around chatting, nibbling the party food, sipping their drinks. They are admiring your Christmas tree ornaments and stand around the piano singing carols.
Festivity Level Two
Your guests are talking loudly, occasionally to one another. They are wolfing down the food, gulping their drinks, rearranging your Christmas ornaments and sitting on the piano singing "I Gotta Be Me."
Festivity Level Three
Your guests are holding conversations with inanimate objects, gulping other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas ornaments and dancing around the piano shouting the words to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction".
Festivity Level Four
Your guests, food smeared across their naked bodies, are capering around the burning Christmas tree in some unholy ritual. The piano is missing. Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you generally don't want your parties operating above Level Three. The true test of party success, however, is whether or not the police arrive. If they do arrive, your job as host is to see that they don't arrest anyone. If they are intent on arresting someone, your job is to see that it isn't you. Following is an example of how to successfully handle this situation.
Police: "We've come in response to the complaints."
You: "Complaints? It isn't about the drugs, is it?"
Police: "No, sir, not drugs."
You: "The guns, then? They're complaining about the guns?"
Police: "No, sir. It's about the noise."
You: "Oh, that's all right then. 'Cause there sure aren't any guns or drugs here, heh heh."
[An explosion sounds somewhere behind you]
You: "Or fireworks either! The neighbors complained, did they?"
Police: "No, sir. The neighbors all fled inland hours ago. The recent complaints have come from Kansas."
[At this point a Volkswagen Bug, painted in various arcane symbols, roars out of the living room, down the hall past you and the policemen, out into the front yard and into the nearest tree. Eight naked bodies tumble out, moaning.]
You: "There, you see? It's winding down already."
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Joke mark: 3 (from 3 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Medical Jokes
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
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 Funny Jokes From category Blonde Jokes
What do you do when a blonde throws a garnade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back!
[ Joke sent by Shellybear Clifton ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Your mama is so fat she sat on a rambu and scitels popt out
[ Joke sent by Josh ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Medical Jokes
A woman is talking to her doctor and asks if she can get pregnant from anal sex.
"Sure" the doctor said. "Where do you think lawyers come from?"
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 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Yo mama so stupid, she dressed up as a robber to steal second base
[ Joke sent by Chris ]
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1Bob12 Jokes
2Lolypop12 Jokes
3Mike10 Jokes
4Chris9 Jokes
5Steel9 Jokes

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Funny Jokes - 27 November 2014

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